


sweet, a little selfish

by coraxes



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Battle Couple, F/F, Healing, Jealousy, these girls don't know what feelings are but by god are they gonna find out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 14:42:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14956589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coraxes/pseuds/coraxes
Summary: Kissing isn't a big deal to Jester, even if she's never done it before.  Even if she only kisses Beau.  It's just a way to say thank you, after all.





	sweet, a little selfish

**Author's Note:**

> I have to credit all the people who sent me Beau/Jester headcanons over the last few days over on tumblr for really feeding this.
> 
> title from "Honey" by Kehlani, which is an a+++ beaujester song.

When Jester kissed Beau for the first time, it was not a big deal.  Only a normal thank-you kiss.  People do that for their friends all the time probably.  Jester used to see her mother kiss her customers on the cheek even when they were just paying for her company instead of sex.

The bigger deal, technically, was that Beau jumped in front of a spear for Jester.  Beau grabbed the shaft before it could go more than a few inches into her shoulder, but that was still too much.  She pulled it out and spent the rest of the battle with her left arm dangling limply by her side.  Afterward, once they had killed the rest of the bandits, Beau leaned against a tree with her face too pale, and Jester ran to her.

“Oh my gosh,” she said, her hands glowing silver as she held them lightly above the wound.  Jester wasn’t a baby, okay, she didn’t mind blood or guts, but she didn’t like seeing her friends hurt like this.  “Beau, that was so brave!  But next time maybe do a better job of catching it!”

Beau shot her a weird look, like she wasn’t sure whether to laugh or be mad.  Since she was Beau she settled for rolling her eyes and grumbling, “I didn’t let it hit me on _purpose._ ”

“I know.”  Jester bit her lip, watching as the edges of the wound closed.  Not quite all the way—there was still a big shiny scab in the middle when she ran out of Traveler-juice (the phrasing sounded dirty; He would probably like it). 

Once Jester’s magic faded, Beau flexed her arm, biting down on her lip when she turned it too quickly.  “Thanks,” she said, and glanced at Jester, smiling a little. 

They were, Jester realized, very close.  Technically she had to be to heal Beau, but she could probably step back now. 

She did not.

“Hey,” Jester said.  She cupped the side of Beau’s face; the other woman froze, eyes going wide as if she expected Jester to bite her.  Instead Jester stood on her toes and kissed Beau on the cheek.  “Thank you, Beau, for not letting me get hurt.”

Jester could feel Beau’s pulse thundering just under her jaw.  “’S what I’m here for,” she said hoarsely.  “You should, uh. You should probably go heal everyone else. I think Nott took a hit too.”

Nott had, and standing on her tiptoes was uncomfortable, so Jester left her alone.

Really.  It was not a big deal.

\--

The second time Jester kissed Beau was also not a big deal.  Except it was on Beau’s mouth instead of her cheek so it technically might be a big _ger_ deal.  Still not a _big_ deal though.  There was a difference.  That was important.  Friendly kisses on the lips: no big deal.

It had been a good day, was all, so Jester was in a good mood.  They had found a nice little village with some shops and a little spa, and all of the Mighty Nein were having lots of fun and exploring.  Okay maybe Fjord wasn’t having fun.  He didn’t like shopping too much so Molly dragged him around.  But Jester was having a very good time.

And that was _before_ she saw the bakery.

It was a real, fancy bakery too—not one with just bread and plain muffins or whatever that had been in the last few towns they’d visited.  No, this bakery had cakes and donuts and cookies in the windows.  Jester immediately plastered herself to the glass.  There were _blueberry cake donuts._ The _best_ combination of all her favorite things, obviously.

“Let me get you some,” said Beau.  She gave Jester one of her cocky little smirks, her hands on her hips. 

Jester got donuts _and_ she didn’t have to spend money?

In Jester’s correct opinion, this was definitely worth more than getting hit by a spear.

She picked out a box of a dozen donuts; Jester ate three while Beau made her way through a cherry Danish, sitting at one of the bakery’s cute tiny tables.

“These are the best,” Jester said between bites.  “ _You_ are the best.”

Beau grinned, her face turning red.  Jester wanted to boop her on the nose, so she did.  Then she tucked the rest of the donuts into her coat, leaned across the table, and kissed Beau on the mouth.  Beau didn’t freeze this time—she made a soft little noise, like, _hmm_ —and leaned into Jester a little more.

When Jester pulled back she had flakes of icing from Beau’s Danish on her lips.  She licked it off.  _Not bad._ Especially for her first kiss.

“Does this make me your sugar daddy?” Beau asked.

Jester stared.  She definitely knew those words.  She did not know them in that order. 

“Like, literally your sugar daddy.  Or sugar mommy.  ‘Cause, uh, donuts.”

“What’s a sugar daddy?”

Beau’s face got even redder.  “It’s when a really rich person will pay for your stuff so that you’ll…kiss them.”

Jester’s head tilted.  “Are you trying not to say _have sex_?  You can say that.  Or _fuck,_ it’s not—”

“Oh my gods yeah that was what I meant can you not talk so loud.”

“Oh. Okay.”  Jester considered this.  It sounded a lot like her mom’s job, actually, and that wasn’t really Jester’s style.  “I don’t think you can be my sugar daddy.”

“…Oh,” Beau squeaked.

“I have way more money than you.”

“ _That’s_ your reason?”

Jester rolled her eyes.  Honestly, Beau got hung up on the weirdest things.  “Let’s go, I wanted to look at the jewelry stall by the fountain,” she said, rising from the chair and heading to the door.  Jester did not have to look.  She knew Beau was behind her.

\--

When Beau kissed Jester, Jester could admit that it did in fact seem like a big deal.

She came back to their room at the inn late one night, shimmying through the window in a move that Jester mentally saved so that she could replay it later.  Maybe in her own tent.  That was probably a normal thing friends did. 

Then Jester noticed Beau was _limping,_ and she could see well enough in the moonlight to make out the reddish patches along Beau’s jaw and sides that would turn into bruises by morning.  Jester jerked upright.  “Have you been doing more secret monk things again?”

Beau swore under her breath.  “I didn’t know you were awake.”

“You aren’t as quiet as you think,” said Jester plainly.  “I heard you getting the window open.”

“Fantastic.” Beau flopped onto the bed and pulled off her boots.  “Well, I’m fine now, so you can get to sleep.”

Jester rolled her eyes and got out of bed, crossing the room to Beau.  The monk froze in the middle of taking down her hair tie.  Her eyes, Jester decided, were very nice.  Maybe even as nice as Jester’s.  “Don’t be stupid,” said Jester.  “You’re hurt.  Let me fix you up.”

“It’s not that bad,” Beau muttered. 

Jester glared at her.  “Scoot,” she ordered, motioning for Beau to lean back against the wall.  Jester knelt beside her on the tiny, squeaky inn mattress and found the worst injury. Something had hit her side with enough force to break the skin.  Beau flinched when Jester pressed her hands to it, maybe a little harder than she meant to. 

For a while it was quiet except for the quiet hum of magic and Beau’s little soft sounds of relief as her injuries faded.  At some point she slipped an arm around Jester’s waist, tugging so that Jester was leaning against her (uninjured) shoulder.  It was—nice.  Cozy.  When the last of Beau’s injuries melted away and the Traveler’s magic faded, Jester’s stomach sank.  She really did not have a reason to be here anymore; they both had to get some rest.

But she also _really_ did not want to move.

“Hey, Jester,” Beau said, and when Jester looked up Beau kissed her.

It was—not great, honestly.  Neither of them really knew what to do.  Then Beau pulled back and laughed a little, and Jester squirmed so that her neck didn’t have to stretch so much.  One of Beau’s hands with its wrapped knuckles cupped the back of Jester’s head.  When she kissed Jester again it was pretty much perfect.

Jester closed her eyes and sighed a little, and Beau’s arm around her waist tightened.  So _this_ was what a real kiss felt like, she thought.  Jester was pretty sure she could do it forever.

But before too long her arm started to cramp up where it was trapped uselessly between them.  And then Beau had to pull back to let out a thunderous yawn that Jester couldn’t help but echo.

Beau actually _giggled._ What the fuck, thought Jester.  How had she never heard Beau giggle before?  She was so cute it was actually unfair.  “I, uh, I guess we should probably get to bed.”

“…Probably, yes,” Jester agreed, and extricated herself, flexing her arms. 

“Thank you for healing me.”

“Any time,” said Jester, and winked. “Especially if that’s what it gets me.”

Beau’s answering grin was a little strange, but Jester felt a little strange herself.  So she let it go.

\--

When Yasha rejoined their group, Jester realized that she and Beau might be a deal of some kind.  One could even say they were, technically, a big deal.

At least to Jester.

She was not quite sure about Beau.

The thing was, Jester _liked_ Yasha.  She was a big softie and she was pretty and had cool weird powers, which Jester was always a fan of.  She just…maybe did not want Yasha talking to Beau so much.  Or, as happened more often, Beau and Yasha sitting together, being pretty buff ladies, and not talking.

Jester was not stupid, okay. If Beau liked Yasha then that was fine!  She and Beau were friends and she and Yasha were friends and she wanted her friends to be happy.

But after three days on the road they got into another fight ( _more_ bandits, Jester thought, why did they never just _chill_ ), and Beau took a hit for Yasha, and.

Jester minded seeing her get hurt.  A lot.

Afterwards she stomped over and healed Beau, scowling at the injury because why would Beau let _herself_ get shot instead of _Yasha_ when Yasha was like, made of muscles.  “Do _not_ do that again,” Jester ordered, wiped her bloody hands on Beau’s trousers, and then grabbed Beau’s face and kissed her on the mouth.  In front of everyone.

So _there._

It was different from the last couple of times.  Because what gave Beau the right to go getting hurt for other people?  She dug her fingers into Beau’s hair and bit at her bottom lip; Jester didn’t know what she was doing but apparently Beau liked it, because she yanked Jester forward by her hips, kissing right back.

“…well, there’s no accounting for taste,” Jester heard Molly mutter, and that was when she realized everybody else had gone very quiet.

Jester abruptly let go and stepped back.  Her heart felt like it was beating too hard, her mouth was sore, and Beau was so _stupid._

Maybe—this was not a thought Jester had often—maybe she was stupid too.

Jester yanked her eyes away and turned toward the group.  “Caleb,” she snapped, “I know you got stabbed, show me where.”

\--

Later they got rooms at yet another inn and Jester immediately went upstairs.  She did not run; she walked briskly.  Then she shut the door, leaned against it, and shoved her face in her hands.

Why was she being so _weird?_

It wasn’t like she and Beau were girlfriends, right?  They were friends and they kissed to say _thank you_ and that was just how it was sometimes.  Jester had seen a lot of shit.  She knew how things worked.

Someone shoved against the door.  It dug into Jester’s back.  “Um,” Beau said, “can I come in?”

Jester took a step forward and shoved her hands in the pockets of her dress.  “Mmhmm.”

Beau shut the door behind her and leaned against it, crossing her arms.  She chewed her lip.  “So, like.  Are we good?  What was that?”

“I don’t like you getting hurt for other people,” Jester said flatly. 

“I took a hit for Molly the other day,” Beau said, frowning.  “You weren’t _happy_ about it, but you weren’t like _this_ either.  C’mon, Jester, what’s really going on?  Do you just have a problem with Yasha?”

“No!” Jester blurted out, and immediately felt guilty.  Is that what Yasha thought?  She didn’t want Yasha to be mad at her.  Or upset.  Jester had made a really good drawing of her last week.  Maybe she should show it to Yasha so that she knew they were good.  “I just—I kissed you to say thank you, when you got hurt for me.” 

And when Beau stepped in front of that arrow for Yasha earlier all Jester could see was _them,_ instead.  So Jester had just—gotten in the way, before anything could happen.

“Oh, shit,” Jester said.  Her face felt hot.  She was probably turning purple right now.  Jester covered her face with her hands because she _hated_ looking all purple and blotchy.“Shit, Beau, I think I’m jealous.”

Beau barked out a laugh.  “Yeah, I noticed.  Everyone kinda did.”  She wrapped her fingers around Jester’s wrists and tugged, not hard, just enough to tell Jester what she wanted.  Jester ignored this.  “Look, we haven’t been super clear about some stuff.  So, I like you.  I’d kind of love for you to be my girlfriend.  Yasha is cool and all, but she’s never here.  And I think you’re great and—kissing people isn’t exactly normal, for me.  I thought you knew.”

“…Oh,” said Jester. 

“Also, you’re hot when you’re angry,” Beau added like an afterthought.

Okay.  Okay, Jester could work with that. 

She straightened up, pulling her hands out of Beau’s grasp.  “So we’re girlfriends now?” Jester asked, just to make sure.  It felt weird to say.  She had never had a girlfriend before.  She had barely had girls who were her friends. 

Beau said, “I’m game.”

Jester took a step forward, crowding into Beau’s space.  “I’m not angry anymore,” she said.  But she was definitely _something._ Happy, but leftover energy and jealousy and nerves bubbled under her skin too.  She didn’t know what to do with them, exactly, but she had a pretty good idea of what to try.

“Good,” said Beau.  Her back hit the door. 

Jester stepped forward again.  She ran her hands down Beau’s arms, stopping at her wrists, pressing them gently into the wood.  Beau flexed in her grip, testing but not breaking.  “Is this still okay?”

“Definitely,” Beau said, a little hoarse.  She tilted her head, studying.  “I never did thank you for healing me earlier.”

Jester smirked back.  “I guess you will have to make that up to me, then,” she said, and leaned forward.

**Author's Note:**

> haven't watched since like episode 8 so characterization notes would be great.
> 
> and as always, comments/kudos are <3


End file.
